Morning Pages 12-3-22

For those of you not familiar with ring pages, it’s a writing exercise where you write longhand three pages as soon as you wake up. It’s supposed to be a brain hack as it were to let the sub conscious write. This way we get some insight on how the other half of the brain works or what it’s thinking.

I’m not sure why I’m posting these, normally this is only for me but at this point I see no reason to hide anything from anyone. I posted a few days ago about how I’m conflicted when t comes to performing. I either feel like there’s so much love in the world that sometimes I don’t feel like I can share it with so many people.Then there are times I just want to say thaT I’ll be coming on to the stage at 8 PM and I’ll be bringing hell with me.

I keep a big glass of water next to me at all times these days, water in CO tastes so good. I think some people feel different because they’ve never been outside of the state. It’s like the opposite of people who think AZ is the best place in the world, usually those peeps have never been outside of the their state either.

I’m getting sleepy again, I want to go back to bed but I feel like my brain is trying to trick me into not writing.

Last night I went to a mic but bailed, not only was I not feeling funny, I was pretty angry at the world. I know I should be able to look past that and get my ass on stage but I felt like all I would’ve done to those people who were just having a good time was take my life out on them. I can’t keep blaming the world on how I lived my life. At some point we (I) have to admit that I’m not just the hero of my story, I’m also the villain at times too.

You wouldn’t know unless I told you but I was off in mt own world for the past few minutes. I’ll try to be honest about these things, why? Who knows. I’m just keeping it real up in these pages. I’ll be making some coffee soon, that’s always a good thing.

I hate people who think being an asshole before they get their coffee is the same as having a personality. I demand more of myself than just bing a cliche, I wonder if other should be of themselves as well. What kind of world would we have if we always seemed to improve ourselves?

The gym is a good example of why that might not work. There are so many people there for so many reasons. All it takes is a few who people not being honest with their selves for the whole world to go off the rails. My this life we have is such a fragile thing, that’s one of the reasons it needs so much love to keep going.

Please excuse the grammatical errors of these thoughts, many of them don’t make sense, at least not now they don’t. I prefer to keep these pages raw and uncut.